Meaningful relationships are crucial to our happiness. We need the human bond to feel connected and joyful, and we enjoy life much more when we share it with people we love.There are times, however, when we are forcefully separated from our loved ones. Coping with loss can be one of the most difficult things we ever have to do. Everyone copes with grief differently, and some of us never do.
When we lose someone we love, it distorts our universe and our peace, and nothing seems right. There is a future that will never exist and a past that we want to go back to, and we feel like we can’t be further from the present moment and reality.
Exactly a month ago today ,I lost my beloved Nephew, my first baby ., at a very young age from a medical condition that nobody knew about. It happened in such a snap that nobody could believe it.
I kept thinking about all of the future events that would never happen, and I couldn’t find peace and acceptance.
I asked questions like “why?” and “how?” and didn’t receive any answers.
Today while just as usual I was thinking about him and seeing his smiling face in my mind , the answer that I was waiting for came to me:
He was not gone; he had just changed.
He was there—in my heart.I finally realised that what I was trying to cope with was not a loss but a change.
We tend to resist change as strongly as we can, trying to stay in our current state of comfort and security because change is hard.
But life is a constant change—sometimes severe, like the loss of someone we love; sometimes wanted, like a new home; and sometimes unwelcoming but still looking forward to like Mumbai Rains.
Our loved ones change, life changes, and we have to change too.
Nothing is actually lost in the universe. Everything is energy and energy is never lost. My insanely loving nephew might not be a part of the material world anymore, he might not be a person in the sense of a human being, but he is a part of the world somehow. I don’t know how, but I know he is.
I believe that the people we think we lose transform into something else and move on to the next stage of life. They are still here, but not in the same way as before.
This is not a change that we have anticipated or wanted. We may wonder if we will ever be the same, if we will go back to our old self. We can’t and we won’t. After such a traumatic change we have only one way to cope: change ourselves too.
Nothing can bring him back. Nothing can “undo” anything that happens in life. We have to move forward. Without accepting the change, we make it much harder to do so. We can’t find peace because we feel that something is broken or wrong, but it isn’t; it is just different.
Now, instead of thinking about how life would be without him in it anymore, I want to live the way he lived his 20 years – Smiling , being calm , enthusiastic , a peoples person , a friend for life , always ready for long drives and vacations …in short live life in his words “ INSANELY ROCKING
Sorry to hear about this tragic loss. May the One Who created each of us, give you the comfort and peace as you seek meaning to the shock that all of you have been through.
I’m sorry to hear about your nephew. Please accept my condolences. Moving forward is a part of life. You’ve shared some great points and thoughts that I’ll be reflecting on.
Very truly said…they never die, they r always with us….cherish the sweet memories with them
Beautifully expressed Trupti… Even I lost 2 of my very good friends in the last year and it is so difficult to cope.with that change! What you said about living the life their way is a great way to express our love towards them..
Heartfelt condolences to you and family…when a young life awaiting to take on the world leaves us it’s the most apathetic path that was chosen by God for them…I know what it feels like….what you have shared is a different dimensional aspect…to think…
Very well expressed Trupti!
Our loved ones do not go away
They are always there with us unseen and unheard.