Let me start this year’s first blog on a topic that has been inspired by one parent counseling session which literally took me back to my childhood. So, I had this one friend, whose mother was quite a terror for all of us. Whenever we use to go to her house, our first question would be, is aunty home?
Aunty use to really drive my friend crazy with constant reminders to “Do this” and “Do That”. Every single thing had to be kept in its place in a particular way, including usage of words, actions, basically, all her childhood was like an instruction channel or a Nag “Fest”
We all have gone through our own Nag Fests, some really mild, some really wild but nowadays the more I interact with kids and their parents, I have realised that nagging is of no good to anyone.
Many parents see nagging or repeating as the only communication they can have with their kids. It seems to parents that every statement goes in one ear and straight out of the other, so hence they feel that the only way to get a point across is through relentless nagging.
But actually, parents don’t realize that selective listening by their kids is very much intentional. Kids do get tired of hearing the same things again n again, as much as parents get tired of repeating the same set of instructions. This pattern creates a cycle of unheard conversations and intentional ignorance. Now one might say, that kids should just listen then nothing will be repeated again and again. But in my opinion, everyone Involved is GUILTY …and there is no way we can know the truth. It’s like trying to answer what came first, the chicken or egg?
So today I am going to share with you all a unique parenting technique I had read part of research and which changed my whole understanding of how parenting can work.
It’s called TEAM Parenting (Togetherness, Encouragement, Autonomy, and Minimal Interference).
TEAM parenting concept takes us in a realm of cooperation and encouraging kids to think. It discourages conflicts and invites discussions and conversations. Team parenting helps you to inculcate confidence and self-sufficiency in your child.
Team parenting helps in minimizing confusion and promotes coordination. It is a mutual dedication that the parents must follow to take care of their kids. Team parenting is all about powerful, peaceful, and disciplined parenting.
Working as a team doesn’t mean you will never disagree! At some point, all parents will differ or argue about raising their children. After all, please do acknowledge that you are individual people with different ideas, skills, values, culture, past mental conditioning, and personalities.
It’s not, however, whether you disagree, but how you handle the disagreements. Even if you and your partner have different parenting styles, you can still parent together effectively with the following basic concepts of TEAM parenting :
1. Togetherness
Raising children as a team is about working together, agreeing on a shared approach to parenting, making decisions together, and supporting each other.
It’s about agreeing on things like children’s bedtimes, discipline, screen time usage, family value system, and the list goes on. It is also about caring for each other and your children, and trying to make sure that everyone has time to do things they enjoy and do it together whenever required.
2. Encouragement
Encouragement is when you tell your child that you like what they’re doing or how they’re behaving – for example, ‘Great job, Myra’, ‘Well done, Bumpy’ or ‘That’s awesome, Vivaan’.
Praise nurtures your child’s confidence and sense of self.
By using good feel words, you’re showing your child how to think and talk positively about themselves. You’re helping your child learn how to recognise when they do well and feel proud of themselves.
You can praise children of different ages for different things. You might praise a younger child for sharing or for following a particular set of instructions. You can praise a teenage child for coming home at an agreed time, or for starting homework without being reminded or for not being glued onto the screen.
3. Autonomy
Our children are unique individuals with their own character, temperament, feelings, tastes, and dreams. Encouraging autonomy leads to self-determination and independence.
Parents can provide opportunities for children to make choices and take on responsibility from a very young age. Teach, then step back and allow them to explore, make mistakes, and learn from their mistakes.
Encouraging autonomy requires lots of patience, so plan ahead and be very flexible. When tasks take time or are challenging for little ones to accomplish, we often over-supervise or take over and do it for them. It is faster for us to do it, we may be better at accomplishing the task, and it is hard for us to watch them struggle. But it is in that very struggle that growth takes place, and every time they accomplish something by themselves, it builds their confidence.
4. Minimal Interference:
Now this one is a tricky one to handle, because how to figure out how much is too much and how little is too little?
What I would like to share here is that learn the fine art of ignoring undesired behavior and stopping yourself from reacting. Let the storm pass by, then gather your patience and sit with your child to understand the reason or the premise of the typhoon tantrum that had taken over your child. Explaining or discussing the need or reason always helps when you want to establish certain family values and rules.
Learn to rein in your parental need to control all views, decisions of your child, instead trust their judgment and decision-making ability. You can always give your opinion and explain your point of view, you will be surprised how easily difficult situations will be navigated with such an approach of minimal yet affirmative interference.
Being a parent is the toughest job that I am enjoying and with today’s blog I wanted to let understand of Team parenting style so you can help your children grow more positively, confidently, and more important very happily.
As always I love to hear from you and if you would like support to understand how Team Parenting can work for you I would love to meet with you for an online Parent Coaching session. We can talk about your current challenges and find solutions that work for you. So go ahead and schedule a session today!
Would like to credit the author of the T.E.A.M. approach, Michaeleen Doucleff, for her work through this blog.