Winning over Whining

Hello Again! So last time we got introduced to the Big Sulk. I hope that you were able to banish that sulk away and are ready to win over the WHINING ….yes I know it’s the most problematic behavior of all. It starts from babyhood and trust me if not addressed in the right way can go on forever as unresolved emotional challenges all the way into adulthood.

From toddlers to teens, all children know how to argue with your decision in their best ‘nails-on-a-chalkboard’ voice. You’ve tried everything from time-outs to ignoring them, but the whining won’t end and just stays persistent without any tapering off. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Parents worldwide fall victim to their child’s whining daily, but this doesn’t mean you can’t stop it.

By learning why your kids whine, you can discover how to end it for good.

However, having a child who whines is nothing to feel bad about. When your child whines, he (or she) is communicating valuable information to you. If you can understand why your child is whining, you can help him feel understood and heard, which is great for your relationship and means he will be less likely to complain in the future. Learning what triggers your child to whine can help you meet his needs and help him grow into a big kid who can communicate his needs in more positive ways. Eventually, he will stop whining altogether.

Yes, a whining-free future is possible and it’s been tried n tested on Bumpy aka my 11 yr old son.

From my personal experiences and from the numerous parents who come to me for counseling I would like to share some “Why’s“ of the whining :

1. Kids are tired, hungry, or stressed.

2. They need to feel more connected with you.

3. They are feeling sad or disappointed.

4. They are more sensitive and empathetic than others.

5. They simply know that ‘whining’ pays off in case of unreasonable demands.

Even with the above-mentioned triggers please understand that kids don’t whine to intentionally irritate us—they complain because they haven’t learned a positive, productive way to get our attention or have their needs met.

Let’s face it, we parents are the busiest creatures on the planet and there are about a billion things competing for our time and attention. But when kids aren’t getting as much positive attention as they need from us, they’ll experiment with different ways to get our attention–whining, sulking, you know those phases…

And of course, when kids whine, we typically respond with a correction, impatience or we get upset at them — not exactly the positive attention they were looking for – but it worked to get our attention. When kids whine and parents give in, kids realize that whining gets them what they want–the attention they crave and maybe even that chocolate or a Lego toy or some extra online gaming time. Just responding, even if it’s to correct them, gives the child a payoff and now he’ll be more likely to whine again and again to get the same result.

The truth is, children only continue behaviors that work for them.

Now that you know why kids whine, you can make it stop before it becomes a behavioral pattern of getting your attention and time.

Now that we have identified the “why” of “whining”, I will write in my next part about “how to stop/deescalate it”. Keep following me for more interesting parenting / counselling tips.

As usual, I look forward to you sharing your parenting experiences with me and how this article has helped you.

Let’s stay connected!

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