Hello & welcome back.
Now that you know why kids whine through my last blog, today is all about the actual WINNING over Whining !!
Based on some personal experiences and some research shared by parents I have put together a few suggestions which will make you and your child emerge as winners and make whining take a back seat. So fasten your seatbelts and enjoy this empowering ride to freedom.
1.Make it NOT work
Remember the main reason why your kids whine? Because it works! By not giving in to whatever they’re whining for–you’ll cut back dramatically on this behavior of your child. Whether you’re in a mall, family function, or at the dinner table, say “no,” and stick to it. If a tantrum happens, calmly let it happen and don’t join in the chaos –and your child will soon learn that whining, and even a tantrum, won’t get him what he wants. You should still help your child deal with his big feelings of disappointment, but you’re not caving into the demand and the inherent blackmail.
2. Pay No (Negative) Attention
As explained earlier one of the main reasons for whining is to get attention and put their demands or expression in the spotlight. By refusing to give attention to the whining, you’ll remove a big part of the payoff. Here’s a simple 3-step training process to make it work:
Step 1: Set the expectation In a calm moment and when your child is in a receptive zone, explain to your kiddo that you understand and will respond to what they want or what they want to express only when they use their normal voice and somehow your ears shutdown if they hear the whining tone from the kids.
( excellent opportunity to display your acting genes and show the difference between the two voices )
Step 2: Reveal how you will respond
“If you continue to use your whiny voice, I will not respond. Instead, I’ll just go about my business until you want to talk in your normal voice and then I’ll be happy to listen.”
Step 3: Confirm understanding
This is the best part ..it’s like a stage rehearsal. Practice the above two steps and create a sense of excitement and the importance of normal behavior..reward the stage rehearsal time with ice cream or a cake together or video shoot and replay for fun. The point is to make it look easy to not whine and communicate easily and also make this learning entertaining.
We all know behaviors don’t develop overnight, so curbing the whining in your home can take days and even weeks to become a part of the normal course of action. However, with a little patience, practice, and consistency, you’ll help your child kick this habit in no time.
3. Sprinkle that Positive Attention
For the above steps to work, you must also provide plenty of positive attention to meet your child’s need for emotional connection.
Each parent should plan to spend quality time every day with each child. You can play their favourite card game, colour, sing, read, play sports or just sit and chit-chat or whatever they love to do! During these moments nothing else matters just sprinkle them with your attention and see the blossom of joy in your child. I recommend taking out 30 minutes every day of gadget-free time just interacting with your child. You can choose any part of the day as these 30 minutes. I do this with Bumpy every day when he comes back from school, my husband does this every day during bedtime.
When you fill your child’s attention basket positively and proactively, your kids will become more cooperative and less likely to resort to whining as a way to gain your attention.
4. Discipline, but don’t forget the praise
A child will quickly learn there are consequences to his actions if they result in time out.
If your child’s bad behaviour continues, make it clear that you intend to follow through on the list of consequences. This list of consequences ( for bad and good behaviour both ) can be made together as a family and every time something goes off track for the kid, a quick reminder of the list and its list of consequences should be implemented.
The key to understanding the impact of “ every Action has its Consequences “ is consistency. Regardless of how busy you are, make the time for a time-out when necessary.
And while bad behaviour deserves parents’ attention, so too does good behaviour. If your child resolves a conflict without resorting to whining, heap on the praise. Let your child know that a calm, measured approach to frustrating situations will have the most positive outcome.
Life is busy for everyone, and finding extra time in the day may be daunting at first, but think of this as an investment in your relationship with your children and in helping them learn more positive and effective ways to communicate their needs.
With these recommendations in place, you’ll keep the whining to a minimum. But the truth is, other frustrating behaviours might pop up in their place so let’s take it as it comes and keep sharing your thoughts with me. If there are any specific behavioural challenges you are facing with your child you can always connect with me for a personal session also do let me know if there are any specific topics you would want me to cover and write about.
Empowered Parents = Empowered Child
